AL: News

A Patent Guide to Christmas Day

Tuesday 18 December 2018

Christmas Day is just around the corner, and here at Appleyard Lees we have accumulated some of the best IP ever published to help you enjoy the holidays and have the perfect festive season. Relax as we take you through your perfect patent-filled Christmas day.

It’s Christmas morning; you’re sound asleep. But what’s going to wake you up? Is it the excitement of presents under the tree? Is it the thought of eating your body weight in turkey? Is it the joy of spending time with loved ones?

Not this year...

This year it’s the feel of 60 small pieces of timber falling from a height onto your head.

Your ‘Device for Waking Persons from Sleep’, which releases 60 small pieces of wood above a sleeping person, has got you up and ready for the day in no time! Once the headache subsides, and a small amount of time spent tidying up, you decide to head out for a Christmas morning stroll; but not before grabbing your favourite ‘Holiday Hat’!

There are quite a few other early Christmas risers out enjoying the morning air, but it’s far too cold to take your hands out of your pockets… so how on earth are you going to tip your festive hat? Never fear, you have the ‘Saluting Device’ which automatically offers hands-free polite salutations to passersby – saving that precious energy for opening presents later.

All around you see the local children playing with their latest toys; one is riding a ‘Body-Connected Bike’, with no fear of their upper and lower halves choosing different directions; while another has been sent outside to play their new ‘Musical Instrument Adapted to Emit a Controlled Flame’ – dad is laughing away while mum is close by with a fire extinguisher. Looking down you notice Max the dog has dropped his shiny new ‘Animal Toy’ at your feet, although he looks slightly confused as to the difference between this toy and the ones his owner used to throw for him.

Animal Toy

Time to head back into your house; as you walk in you see your beautiful Christmas tree gently swaying thanks to the ‘Christmas Tree Vibrator’; and what’s that? Has Father Christmas truly been? Impossible! He would have broken the electric circuit housed in the ‘Santa Claus Detector’, causing it to light up and emit sound! You realise the wrapped gift you saw is merely the neatly placed ‘Christmas Tree Self-Watering System Disguised as a Present’. But there are further signs of visitation from the night before; the ‘Kit for Supplying Reindeer Food to Santa’s Reindeer’ has been disturbed, and the accompanying thank you cards have disappeared!

You must be imagining things, best get a cuppa; thankfully you have just the tea bag for the job – the ‘Teabag with Christmas Tree Shape’. And any soggy cereal woes are a thing of the past with the ‘Crispy Cereal Serving Piece and Method’, that only allows measured portions of cereal into the milk at once.

When Christmas dinner comes around, one thing can be certain: Never. Enough. Chairs. But you won’t be left sitting on a spinning office chair, or some plastic garden furniture, because you’re wearing, the ‘Wearable Chair’! After an expertly prepared turkey, thanks to the ‘Process for de-Boning a Turkey’, you notice there are an odd number of people at the dinner table – a Christmas cracker nightmare. These regular two-armed crackers really won’t do the trick… Luckily, you have the ‘Christmas Cracker having at least Three Arms’. Phew. Christmas crisis averted.

Christmas Cracker having at least Three Arms

With bellies full of food, and presents all opened, it’s time to sit down and enjoy a relaxing evening. Some of the family are busy creating the beautiful ‘Toy representing a turkey gobbler’, and the family is thankful for dad’s new ‘Flatulence Deodorizer’ after all those sprouts. Meanwhile, grandad is looking 20 years younger thanks to the ‘Instant Face Lift’.

What’s that noise? Is it the sound of baubles hitting the floor? Ah yes, the pesky black cat from next door has got in and is using the ‘Apparatus to Prevent Pets Climbing a Christmas Tree’ as a neat base to bat decorations off the tree… you think to yourself, “if only I had the eloquently-named smart cat-flap technology - ‘Photon Push-Pull Radiation Detector for use in Chromatically Selective Cat Flap Control and 1000 Megaton Earth-Orbital Peace-Keeping Bomb’”.

It’s finally the end of a lovely day, and you can’t help but think what wonderful patent-filled fun you’ve had this year. In need of some self-validation, you reach over to your ‘Apparatus for Simulating a High Five’ what a great high-five. Across the room, grandma has fallen sound asleep in a comfy armchair, all worn out from festive fun… luckily you know just the device to wake her up.

Merry Christmas!

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